If you’ve been together quite awhile, it’s not uncommon to fall into a companion and “we’re best friends” mode rather than sustain the passion that was there in the beginning of your relationship. Anyone who tells you they have the same passion in year nine or even year three of their relationship as they did in week one, during their “honeymoon phase” is lying. Even biochemically it just isn’t possible.
Falling in love
When we first meet, lust and start to fall in love, our bodies are hijacked with a concoction of chemicals that affect our brain and hormones. This experience is universal, poets have written about it and troubadours have sung about it for thousands of years.
Both men and women are susceptible to it: our senses leave us, and we are consumed by the object of our affection. Focus is limited to them and everything to do with them, when we see them our palms sweat, we go weak at the knees, butterflies appear from nowhere in our gut, a kiss or mere thought of one lights our sexual response on fire and we say strange, sometimes idiotic things because we are so transfixed.
Don’t get too familiar
Love dumbfounds us. We do not stay in this state of heightened lust for years on end. Over time, that bond between partners transforms and we do not lose ourselves to unbridled desire every time we see them in a room.
Familiarity does not breed contempt in most relationships, but it certainly can breed a cooling of sparks between you between the sheets. Familiarity also makes us feel more secure and more comfortable. People begin to make less and less effort to look and be attractive and sexy.
The assumption can be that one’s partner lusted after you enough once to commit to you so that should sustain the sexual side of the relationship always. But this isn’t so.
Stay confident and sexy
Just as the emotional side of a relationship takes work and dedication, so to does the sexual side. You need to stay engaged in desiring your partner and wanting them to desire you. This isn’t just about being physically sexy: that changes shape so to speak as we age anyway. Attraction is also measured through compatibility, connection and confidence.
Spend quality time together
Ensure your attraction to one another by doing things together as a couple so you stay bonded. Also though, do new things together. Be that couple who explore the world and are excited by life while they share it together. Learn together, work as a team together, enjoy each other’s minds and company, and your bodies will follow suit.
Keep having fun
When first dating, people are attracted to self assured, confident, positive and happy people, so live your life with that outlook, long after coupling up, and avoid getting into routines and ruts. You don’t stay attractive to your mate by staying the same, size, personality or otherwise, as the day you met. You stay desirable by changing and growing together and finding all of life together exciting, not just the time when you fell in love.